Let the ‘Let Them Theory’ into your life

If you are on Social Media the chances are you’ve heard of the ‘Let Them’ theory.

You cannot control what somebody else is going to think or do. People might unfollow you, they might roll their eyes, they might be nice as pie to your face and then gossip behind your back. 

If you are sensitive and kind, you will always care about what other people think. It’s a sign that you want to belong, and you want people to like you. That’s a good thing. The issue is when you give more weight to what other people think than you give to what you think about yourself.

Whenever you try to control something that you can’t, it just creates more stress and frustration and anxiety for you. This is where this theory or mindset works wonders to help.

In a way it is similar to Radical acceptance is about acknowledging your reality as it is (rather than trying to avoid or change it), honouring your feelings about what’s going on, and figuring out how to move forward from there.  It is a big part of dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) accepting stuff we don’t like and changing our response based on that reality. The acceptance part is rooted in Buddhism and encourages people to use mindfulness to get present with what is—however uncomfortable that might be.

Radically accepting a situation doesn’t mean you no longer care about it, quite the opposite. You’re facing the issue and your feelings about it head-on because you do care. Then, with those facts and feels in mind, you can decide the best way to move forward. 

Simply put, The Let Them Theory is a simple mindset tool that has two parts

• The first part is telling yourself to, Let them, during any moment in life where you feel annoyed, frustrated, stressed out, or worried about a situation or another person.
• As soon as you say those two words, you are releasing control of what another person thinks, says, does, believes, and feels. 

Where did this come from?

Here is the Poem written in 2022 – “Let Them” by Cassie Phillips.

If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.

If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.

If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.

If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.

If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.

If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.

If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.

If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.

Let them lose you.

You were never theirs because you were always your own.

So let them.

Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.

Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.

Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.

Let them earn your forgiveness.

Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.

Let them take you out on a Thursday.

Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.

Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.

The “Let Them” theory, is now also a book by Mel Robbins, who describes it as “a mindset tool that encourages individuals to stop exerting control over others and instead focus on their own actions and reactions“. It suggests that by letting others make their own choices, even if those choices aren’t what we agree with or would prefer, we can free ourselves from the stress and frustration of trying to control others. 

Key Concepts of the “Let Them” Theory:

• Recognise the Limitations of Control:The theory acknowledges that we can only control our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Trying to control others leads to frustration and unnecessary stress.
• Focus on Your Own Agency:Once we recognise that we can’t control others, we can redirect our energy towards focusing on what’s within our control – our own choices and reactions.
• Release Expectations and Judgments:Letting others “be” involves letting go of expectations and judgments about their choices. This can lead to a more relaxed and less reactive approach to relationships.
• Improve Relationships:By letting go of the need to control others, we can create more space for authentic relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
• Enhance Personal Growth:Focusing on our own reactions and choices allows us to better understand ourselves and develop more effective coping mechanisms. 

In essence, the “Let Them” theory is about shifting from a reactive, controlling mindset to a proactive, self-aware approach to life and relationships. 

What if you’re a people pleaser who hates disappointing others?

The reason why we don’t make decisions we know in our hearts are right is because we’re afraid of how other people will feel or react. Most of the time, somebody is going to be disappointed or upset by the decision you make. 

It is important to separate yourself from another adult’s emotions.

It is not your job to parent other people.

Other adults are capable of handling their emotions—if you let them.when you say, Let them be disappointed, you’re breaking that pattern.

Anytime somebody’s annoying you or stressing you out, just say, Let them. You actually feel instant freedom and power. Then say, Let me, and remind yourself, I have control here. What do I want to do in response?